The assistants always disappear one way or another before any encounter. I keep what I tell guys to a minimum. I know they are somewhat perplexed by the entire set-up; in any case, we both have something else on our minds. Not only does this set off a very loud alarm which sends my involuntary movements through the roof, but security are at the door within seconds.
Guys my age often panic at my movements. People walk towards me and then turn back. I know plenty of my non-disabled comrades also get blocked, but it took some time to get used to.
Though I date boys my own age, when it comes to Grindr I generally go for guys around 40 as they tend not to have any issues with my movements. I meet around three a week if not more and have rarely had a bad time. I often have a reality check when I go home to the much smaller city in the UK where I grew up to find that sex is not available on demand. This raises a few issues.
I am unable to masturbate.
I rely on others. Is this dignified? Luckily I have had many, many great experiences.
I acknowledge that not everyone who has issues with masturbation may feel comfortable asking men on Grindr especially if they are straight to help them perform the deed and possibly go further, yet it would automatically, by definition, turn into sex work if I relied on paid support. Maybe using instant video conversation skype, etc. It may be a good compromise ; an option to test?
By letting guys know upfront will weed out the really shallow guys. Being disabled either visible or not does not make a guy any less loveable, sweet, horny, etc..
Having said so, good luck to this man. Better to be honest than dishonest. Be prepared for the fact that sexual attractiveness is largely based on physical appeal. If I were you, I would meet people in. The truth is sexier than anything you can invent. I too am gay and have a disability.
Unfortunately the second someone mentions being disabled, certain assumptions are made. First, most people assume I am paraplegic and confined a wheelchair.
Both the author and myself are not either of those things. Second, that I am broke, do not work, live on government handouts and law suits , and need constant care. Fourth, many gay guys feel that dating someone with a disability will lower his social status. In my case, being disabled has a very limited impact on my abilities to date and in bed.
Right now, my profile picture portrays me on my mobility aid and shirtless while the text states: I also have a detailed description for me to cut and paste for those who want more details. I also try to meet in public so that I can get that awkward introduction out of the way. The general consensus is to be up front about it.
My final words of advice: Anything that is important to how you live should be in your profile.
I have a kid that is with me on most weekends. I had pondered the need to tell him anything, but things were going along well, so I thought it time to clue him in before either of us invested more time in it if that was something that was going to make him head for the hills. Apparently it was definitely a deal breaker for him because he stopped responding to my messages.
The first suggestion I would have is this. I grew up with a friend who had CP.
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We got around town causing trouble and had no trouble except the people who would either stare or try to help.. Most people know what CP is now, and I think that would be much easier to tell people. You can always move to the Philippines! Haha I see a ton of men over 40 coming here and being adonises in the gay community here.
Search for: Get Queerty Daily Subscribe to Queerty for a daily dose of life dating disabilities stories and more. Especially on a hook-up site like Grindr. Many people will over look the disability thing.